Excitement equals joy
... right?
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By the time you read this, it will be opening day of A Window into Tennessee, my play about Tennessee Williams. I'm excited to see it, and I'm anxious about whether I'll have enough money to pay everyone.
I've read that anxiety can be turned into excitement. It's a matter of telling yourself (saying out loud) you're excited instead of anxious or nervous. That works great for things like auditioning, public speaking, acting. But how can I be excited about not paying my cast and crew? Yikes! Well, I will figure it out. I don't think I'm going to come up all that short. A few hundred dollars maybe.
I will also have auditioned for two speaking roles for my choir's concert in June. I am definitely excited about that. I haven't auditioned for speaking roles in decades. I honestly don't recall the last time. But these possibilities sound so fun, I am going for it.
All this excitement is definitely joyous. Even though I've spent nights lying awake trying not to worry or even think about these things, the excitement is very much like that I had as a child at Christmas, or my birthday, or going to visit my grandma in the country. I just could not sleep.
In my adult years, I have done better about sleeping before big events -- mostly. But not this time. Here are the things I do to get to sleep: read, self-hypnosis, physical relaxation techniques, sound machine, counting backwards from 500. Usually one or another of these hacks will work. Not this time.
If I'm just not sleepy, I will get up and do something. Sew, or organize, maybe clean something. But this week I've been very sleepy, just not asleep.
Still I'm grateful for the fact that excitement brings me joy. It can be hard to find some days. Other things bringing me joy this week: the lilacs are about to burst open. I can already smell them when I'm close. A tiny flower is blooming in a crack in the concrete in a driveway I visited this week. A symbol of our tenacity in the face of fascism. I demonstrated my own tenacity by standing on the corner holding my protest sign Thursday evening.
The other exciting event I'm looking forward to: the Desert Playwrights Retreat in Palm Springs. I'm invited this year, and will spend a week playwriting with other people like myself. Day after day of just writing on my new play, surrounded by others doing the same. Doing some swimming. Chatting with my cohorts. Reading new work to each other. I leave on April 21st. I hope to write my newsletter before I fly away, but if I don't, you'll know why.
Questions for you: how do you deal with sleepless nights? What are you excited about? How are you fighting fascism? Where are you finding joy?
Sandra, I'm in my mid-80s now. I have mobility challenges and work and learn from home. It's harder for me (and others in the same boat) to find ways to fight fascism. My strategy: learn as much as I can about it (its history, its current presence) and share that as widely as I am able. I'm currently using Substack (and in a lesser way, Facebook). My Substack work is a reading group: Guerrilla Readers. Here's the link (feel free to edit if you feel it's not appropriate to share): https://susanwittigalbert.substack.com/s/guerrilla-readers This is where I find my excitement and my energy in these dark days. Thank you for inviting this!
Good to know you are feeling better! Your life is so cool Sandra! No wonder you are full of joy and excitement and can't sleep. Can't wait to get caught up on all of the details of what is going on for you! In the past I found reading the phonebook could turn off my noodle. Or practicing a foreign language is also good.